8 rule for dating my teenage daughter

[a little girl dressed as an angel comes to the door on Haloween accompanied by her father]Angel: Trick or Treat! Paul: Yeah, you may be an angel now, but in a few years you're going to be killing your father! [after Kyle gets off the phone with a girl named Lindsay]Kyle: Uh, Mr. Totally taking me out the loop creating a popularity vacuum and voila?! Bridget: I dunno; it's French, but magicians do it too. Probably the most meaningful two weeks of my life of my entire life. Do it twice and the hair smells nice-lather, rinse, repeaaattt! Jim: Oh, so you're scared about being away from your parents? Cate Hennessy: [reading Paul's last article] Okay readers, today we're having a little pop quiz, it's multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Here's a quote: "Dad, you're an idiot." Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it's a "You're an idiot," "You're a geek," or an "I hate you," an "I love you" isn't far behind. Bridget hangs up the phone] Kerry: And don't tell Bridget this, but I'm really scared. And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she's always right. Well my house would be quieter, and I'd spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no. And Jesus isn't going to wanna back outta that dare! And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she's always right. Well my house would be quieter, and I'd spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no. Bridget: [to the tune of P-U-R-P-L-E, in the shower] Who's the girl with the pretty hair? Cate: Yeah and Fred going on about the difference between electric and gas powered weed whackers. Back then we didn't share our deep personal feelings, our deepest conversations usually revolved around the tigers bull pen. There's not a feeling that my kids are afraid to express over and over and over.

Cate: [reading Paul's last article] Okay readers, today we're having a little pop quiz, it's multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Here's a quote: "Dad, you're an idiot." Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it's a "You're an idiot," "You're a geek," or an "I hate you," an "I love you" isn't far behind. Paul: Hypothetically, how many kids would you say are sexually active? Do it twice and the hair smells nice - lather, rinse, repeat! You're going to help me with the gardening and cleaning the rain gutters. Carter Tibbits: Well, wife number one is in Aspen with my girls. And wife number four, my current wife, she's vacationing with her mother in Martha's Vineyard. Carter Tibbits: We don't ever talk about wife number three! Bridget Hennessy: You know, aren't you a little young to have all of those wives? Paul Hennessy: Now, Carter, I just want to set everything straight, and then you'll never hear from me again.

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